Realize

 As I was holding little Iris this morning I realized something huge. Since having Iris I decided that I didn't want to have more babies. It was too hard in many ways and too expensive for me and all my complications. Most people I have told this to and shared my story with understand. I remember when we had our first baby Eden I said " I don't know how many times I can do this. Maybe having babies isn't for me." but that all changed. I felt the healing balm of the Spirit and felt the tender mercies of the Lord and I knew that I would do whatever the Lord asked of me and Trust in his divine plan for my family. At the end of my pregnancy with Eleanor I said the same basic thing. "My pregnancies are too hard I don't think I can do this again." but the moment I saw Eleanor for the very first time I knew that I would do it all over again for her and for my babies waiting in the spirit world. I trust in the Lord. I trust in the Lord and that hasn't changed since having Iris. Yes it was very hard having her 10 weeks early and having to have her in the NICU for 7 weeks and then to bring her home and have to deal with oxygen and monitors and everything else but it is also a time of amazing peace, love, and understanding for our family. I realized this morning that I will do whatever the Lord will ask or require of me to do. I will have as many babies as he will send to our family and I will do it joyfully. I will suffer and sacrifice for my babies because that is what Mothers do. This realization surprised me completely but I don't think it will surprise my husband or family.

Iris Deborah Chamberlain

The Birth of Iris began on Saturday June 8, 2012 early in the morning. I woke up to get ready to go to the Balloon festival for Art City Days and I was bleeding a little so instead we went to the hospital. I was dilated to a 3 but everything looked normal and I wasn't having contractions. I was going to go home Sunday morning. Well that didn't happen. I had contractions that night and every night till she was born on Tuesday morning. Everyday the Doctor would check on me and everyday they would say you can go home tomorrow morning on bed rest if everything goes well. Monday night the contractions got really painful and close together. The morphine they gave wasn't working for the pain. It was odd though I would have about 5 contractions 5 min apart for a while and then nothing for another 15 min. I told Trevor I was pretty sure we were going to have our baby soon. We did. The nurse checked me and I was dilated to a 7 the nurse said "You are having your baby now."

 They got everything ready just in time. I was in a lot of pain and having a hard time breathing so they got me an epidural. I love epidurals!! We were wheeled over to the delivery room. There was  a little room off to the side where they were getting everything ready for Iris. She was going to be 10 weeks early and needed medical attention immediately after birth. The Doctor told Trevor "Look you can see her head. Oh and shes coming now! Is everyone ready over there?! Are they ready?!" She was coming out without pushing that little stinker. I did one little push and out she came. She made the sweetest little bird sound and the rushed her out.

Trevor went with her. They have the dads go because the babies can hear their voices and it comforts them. Trevor came back and they took us to our room. I wasn't going to be able to see her for another 6 hours so we took the time to sleep. When I woke up Grandma Chris was there and we all went to see Iris. Trevor found her by the dimple on her chin. She was tiny weighing only 3 lbs 2 oz and measuring 16 in long. I got to hold her for just a bit and it was amazing! I didn't know if I would get to hold her or not.

 She needed oxygen so she had to be our baby elephant for a little while. But it didn't last long. Shes our little fighter and came off the oxygen quickly. They did have to put her back on with a nasal one on just room air later. And so began Iris's struggle to live in the NICU. I will post another post about her time and my travels to the NICU.

Heres comes the New Baby

As most of you know were having another baby due August 20th! Eleanor doesn't quite get it yet but Trevor has taught her where the baby is and I have her talk to it everyday. We are calling it the New Baby. We should learn the gender in late March. Everyone always asks do you want a girl or a boy and I'm not lying when I say I want a healthy baby carried to term. People always ask too if this is baby #2 and I don't know what to say to that. Are they asking how many I have at home now or how many pregnancies? I always just say #2 but if I loose this one is it still #2? I feel bad not including our first little angel into the number scheme of babies but its just too much to explain all at once.
I love being pregnant. Morning sickness and all. There is just something wonderful and sacred about being pregnant. I am almost sure that I felt the baby move last week but its hard to tell when I am only 12 weeks. I felt our first baby move at 16 weeks and Eleanor at 14 weeks. They say everything happens faster the more babies you have. Who knows though it could have just as easily been gas. I feel sometimes like I am on a sea saw and balancing between being really happy and wanting to get everything ready and then being scared and thinking I should wait till I'm farther along.
Our new Doctor is Dr. Judd and he is really nice. He delivered Trevor and all but one of Chris's kiddos. He was also Heather (my sister in laws) doctor too. He is really nice and really chill. Which kind of worries me a little bit. I feel like if he is this chill is he really taking me and my history seriously and giving me the treatment I need? Hes a great doctor and has been doing this a long time and what he says makes lots of sense but I still worry. Trevor has all the confidence in him. I have the go ahead to exercise and work at home just like normal but I'm still careful. I don't want to push myself.
This all makes lots of sense to everyone who knows my past but I don't know how many of you do. We had our fist baby, Eden in September 2008. I was 21 1/2 weeks pregnant and I went into labor. My water broke at home and I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Early the next morning she was born. She was tiny and to us perfect in every way. She even looked a lot like her daddy. She didn't live but she isn't lost or gone but with our Father in Heaven waiting for us. I don't like the term "we lost our baby" cause I know where she is.
Come February that next year I was pregnant with Eleanor. We met with a specialist twice a month starting at 18 weeks I got shots every week and I still went into preterm labor at 33 weeks. I was in the hospital for a week but got sent home just in time for my baby shower. I was put on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy. I carried Eleanor to term and even had to be induced. I had low amniotic fluid. They had to break my water too. I said yes to my nice epidural and spent my labor napping while Trevor did homework and my mom watched TV. It came time to push and out she came after 3 pushes. She was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. The nurse told me that it wasn't usually that easy and well getting to where I was then I didn't that that it had been easy to hold my little girl in my arms and to take her home with me.
I have never done this on my blog. I usually just post pictures with quotes by them but today I needed to share. I am a happy person by nature and I am so thankful that we get to have another baby even if it isn't for long. I do still worry and have days where I miss my little Eden though. I have a deal with the big man upstairs he tells me when its time for us to have another baby, cause he knows best, then I tell Trevor, we pray about it, and then we have a baby, done and done. I trust that the Lord will take care of our family and no matter the outcome I know that by doing as the Lord has asked it will all work out the way the Lord planed it. I sometimes wish that things would work out the way I plan it. In the end though I am hopefully a better more faithful daughter of God and a little bit more the way he would have me be by listening and following His counsel.